my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
