Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
