Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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