If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
