strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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