i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
try to milk me bitch
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