Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
