and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize