her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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