Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
