holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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