four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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