It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
