I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
