he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
