I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
