I am puke
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
