apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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