I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
