Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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