Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
