"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
