4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
