North Korea, Best Korea!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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