what if every blade of grass was a penis?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize