at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
