I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
