Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
