you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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