New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
