Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
