You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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