I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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