I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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