I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
