Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
