You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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