last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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