I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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