I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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