i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
