i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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