a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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