i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
