Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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