i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize