I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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