dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
