no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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