It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
