I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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