Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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