I can text with my tongue
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
