I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
