why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
