I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
