It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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