Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
