It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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