remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
