He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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