i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
