Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
