i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Fuck appropriateness.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
