Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
