Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
