Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize