My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
