gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize