Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
