So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
