dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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