This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
