Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
