in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
