I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
