maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
