I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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