My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
