So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
