I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
