just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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