mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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