I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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