woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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