My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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