i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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