He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
