yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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