He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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