party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
