Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
