if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
