He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
