I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
