Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
