I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
