i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
