are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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