Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
